The Plight of Man

As a man, you are either an asshole or you are gay. It is common knowledge that men are assholes, and nobody likes an asshole (except for gay men). Actually, some women like assholes because they think they can fix them. But that rarely works out.

It is quickly becoming the favorite American pastime to try and figure out whether a guy is gay or not. If you are good looking, you are gay. If you are nice, you are gay. If you express your feelings, you are gay. If you care about other people, you are gay. If you walk a certain way, you are gay. If your pinky finger becomes dislodged while drinking from a cup or glass, you are gay. If you have clothes, you are definitely gay.

If you don’t clear your nose loudly and hurl a loogy onto the asphalt you are gay. If you don’t like football you are gay. If you don’t own a large truck with at least 6 cylinders, you are gay.

Types of Gay Men

  1. If you are a large hairy gay man, you are a bear
  2. If you are just a hairy gay man, you are an otter
  3. If you are a lean and masculine gay man, you are a wolf
  4. If you are a gay man concerned about looking good, you are a metrosexual

* Courtesy of Wikipedia

If you say you are straight, you are really just a repressed closet homosexual. As Kurt Cobain said, “Everyone is gay”.

Homophobia and hate crimes against other people because of their sexual preference is ridiculous. If you know which gender you prefer, why bother? Is there anything stupider than wasting time and energy hating another person who is doing you no harm and in no way threatens your existence? Segregation ended 41 years ago (how is it possible that so many people were so stupid just 41 years ago?), yet there are still many people who think other humans are inferior because of the color of their skin. All of this prejudice is just like the good old days of ignorance in Medieval times (although there was probably less prejudice back then because modern transportation had not arrived yet to open the possibility for a global society). Are we still living in the dark ages of the mind?

That said, I do not like to be hit on by gay men. However, when this happens it gives me a slight understanding of how women must feel who often have unappealing men eyeballing them and thinking about having sex with them. It is annoying, and I wish I had better manners!

When I think about it, it is rather strange that people of the same sex would be attracted to each other. It serves no purpose in terms of reproduction, which is the primary function for the sex drive. But then again, the whole human race is freaking strange. Look at all the weird crap on TV. Look at the phobias people have (Arithmophobia, Barophobia, Chronomentrophobia, Dendrophobia to name a few). How about all the ways people mutilate their bodies with metallic objects and scar art? Most animals prefer not to be wounded. Why do humans think it is beautiful? We are a strange species with a strange blend of instincts and intellect. I’m strange, no doubt about that. It is perfectly fine that things are strange. Life would be boring if there were nothing out of the ordinary. And, who is anyone to say what is ordinary? Life invents itself and manifests on its own terms. We are just a minuscule component in the grand scheme of things.

So then, is there any logic to being gay? Let’s not consult the Catholic priests. Instead, let’s go straight to the bible. If you believe in God and read the bible, then you know that God created everything (including gay people).

Genesis 1:26
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness

Since God made gay men, does this mean that God is gay? (By the way, who was God talking to… himself?)

If God is gay, what kind of a gay man do you think he is: bear, otter, wolf, metrosexual? We do know that he is fond of white robes. Perhaps God is a metro.

Genesis 1:31
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very gay

And, what is with of all this sperm bank business? Perhaps it is an industry backed by female scientists who are secretly plotting to make men obsolete. It is a perfect plan. Pay men to do what they do best and let them contribute to their own demise. Once there are enough reserves, the plan will go into phase B and there will be no more assholes on the planet. Maybe, just maybe women will keep a couple of gay guys around to help them with their shopping. Good luck ladies! 😉

4 thoughts on “The Plight of Man

  1. a close friend of mine told me that when she came out to her dad he said–“at least you didn’t find god.” too funny!

  2. “When I think about it, it is rather strange that people of the same sex would be attracted to each other. It serves no purpose in terms of reproduction, which is the primary function for the sex drive”

    I disagree as to reproduction being the primary function of the sex drive. Sorry, but people just like to be touched….see Rocky Horror Picture Show, “Touch me!”

    Gay people probably don’t care if you are straight or not, they just want sex…your appearance of being straight is only a part of the fantasy.

    To be honest, we are hoping you just want a quick thrill with no strings attached….many do…and how many men don’t want a quick thrill with no strings attached. Suppose you hook up with a beautiful woman….It’s hard to walk away when it’s over. whereas with a gay man, it’s see ya’ later…this never happened, OK

    As to why we are attracted to members of the same sex….nobody really knows….where was Dad, or did mom embarass us too often…or what the fuck?….where do all these fantasies come from….could it be some straight jocks kept pulling the elastic on our waistpants or what? nobody knows, but what we do know is that we still want sex, and a person of the opposite gender just doesn’t command the attention. perhaps not everyone needs to reproduce, nor wants to emulate their parents dysfunctional relationships. We don’t all dream of having kids, and some of us just don’t want the baggage that comes with a heterosexual relationship in a dysfunctional world governed by people who think they know whats best for everyone else.
    Maybe it’s just a matter of being free.
    We know many priests are gay, but they are not free, and act out in repression on people who don’t have the space to resist.
    If a gay man hits on you, you may have sent some signal…people misinterpret signals…maybe the guy felt like you really needed a break…and was just offering a service. very kind indeed…or maybe the gay guy is just a predator and can’t think past the buldge in his pocket…but the same can be said of straight men who think all women are available.

    For me, a handsome man deserves credit….it’s more than good looks, it’s energy…..good energy announces itself to the world, and gay men are very perceptive…we have a bit of female sensitivity in our brains I’ve heard….
    Beauty is the only thing I look for these days, male or female….and it’s rare Some GAP clothing does not make you beautiful…it’s the energy inside….

  3. If you look at sex as a function, it’s primary purpose is reproduction. Kind of like eating. The primary purpose of eating is to nourish the body — survival of the species and survival of the individual. The enjoyment of taste sensations and sensual pleasure is an auxiliary function. Actually, I don’t think those could even be called functions. It would be more accurate to refer to them as the experiences that drive us, ensuring that the function is performed.

    There is the whole argument of nature vs. nurture. I think some people are born gay and other people decide to be gay. I can understand why a woman who has been abused by men would decide to be gay. And, I can understand why a man who has had nothing but disappointing relationships with women would decide it is more appealing to date his buddy.

    It is more difficult for me to understand why people would be born gay. Mother nature makes some curious decisions.

    I definitely agree with you about handsome beings and the energy inside. I can appreciate an attractive man. I just don’t have any desire to have sex with him.

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