Tag Archives: funnyz

Have you herd?

Moo Cow Have you herd the word? The word is “moo”. It is not a moot point. The herd likes popular moosic. The herd likes popular moovies. The herd likes moore of the same. If you don’t like like the herd, better moove out of the way because the herd likes to trample bovindividuals.

Get it up

Call Center Operator I had to call one of my credit card companies this evening to try and figure out why a transaction was being declined. After a brief hold, the phone was connected with a woman at the Seattle, Washington call center. She verified my identity and I proceeded to explain the situation.

At some point in the call, I requested a few details related to the account. She said, “Hold on while I get it up for you.”

I thought to myself, “That is rather provocative.” Continue reading

2012 Presidential Candidates

Multiple Choice: Please choose which of the following candidates from the 2012 presidential election is most qualified to be the next president.

a) Mit Romney

“Stuff the ice chest”

b) Rick Santorum

“I’m crazy, and I’m right…”

c) Newt Gingrich

“I want to crump, but don’t want to push it”

d) Rick Perry

“Save a pretzel for the gas jets”

e) Hermain Cain

“Everybody needs toucan stubs”

f) Michele Bachmann

“With one cock-eyed boar, I’m going to cure everybody who is nauseous”

g) Barack Obama

“Let’s creep in the frozen aisle and think one thought”

h) Ron Paul

“We can achieve much more in peace than we can ever achieve in these needless, unconstitutional, undeclared wars.”

Team America

Team America - World Police I can’t quite pinpoint it, but for some reason I’ve been having the urge to watch Team America again. Btw, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, it is time for a sequel.

Team America 2

Still “F”ing Awesome!

There is no shortage of new material to work with. The only shortage would be seats at the movie theaters on opening night.

Name Change

“You shall now refer to me as _________” (fill in the blank).

The whole idea of undergoing a name change operation late in life seems ridiculous to me. I’d even call it a pet peeve. I can understand someone in their teens or younger, who really doesn’t identify with the name they were given, deciding to change it to something else. One of the guys I went to school with changed his name at least two times and back again and then to something new, I lost count. We haven’t been in contact for many years; he probably has changed his name again by now.

Once a person is past the teens and more settled into their life, a name change becomes silly and complicated. There are all the logistical headaches i.e. notifying acquaintances of the change, changing email addresses, updating bank accounts, passport, driver’s license and the rest of the legal rigamarole. My mom decided to change her name. That’s fine. It’s her decision, whether I think it is a good idea or not. Besides, I usually call her “mom” anyway.

In the grand scheme of things, in the vast universe, I could care less what sounds and letters other people use to refer to the minuscule lump of atoms / configuration of impermanent thoughts and energies that coalesce to form “me”. In essence I am much more than that and at the same time none of it.

The ever present now is constantly changing. The atoms in the body, the perspective of consciousness, the surroundings – are all changing faster than a millisecond and everything is completely new, even though it may seem to be the same and static. Technically, I am a new person every moment. Why not have a new name for each new moment?

So yeah, I started to think about it more. I started to look at it from a different perspective and shed off my pet peeve. Perhaps there is something to this name change business after all.

I started thinking about what I would want to be called if I were to do a name change. And, the first thing that popped into my head was… Continue reading