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A few days ago I found this message on my voice mail after coming home:

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The call was received from Annette Rove (410) 306-6645. Since I don’t know anybody who lives in Maryland and none of my friends have fessed up to the message, there must be a stalker out there who likes me and goes by the name of “Brother Love.” It is kind of creepy if in fact somebody went out of their way to find my phone number and had a song cued for my message machine. Gotta love the internet.

I guess I could call the number, but that would take all of the fun out of it.

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Dr. Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda AKA The Man Christ Jesus. Jesus 2… coming soon to a town near you.

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Nope, not a joke. With the revolutionary procedure available from Neuticles, can actually give your pet his balls back!

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How long have you been spinning?

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I ended up watching Animal Planet while eating my dinner. A show was on about deep sea creatures. There are some bizarre beasties floating around down there. With this one species of fish, the male is about 10 times smaller than the female. He hunts around for a mate and when he finds her and keeps biting at her until he gets a good grip. Then, after a while they become fused and spend the rest of their life together. The male turns into an appendage and is nourished through the food she takes in, providing in exchange a viable stream of sperm. Talk about codependency!

Then there is this shrimp-like thing that craps out a bioluminescent depth charge to evade predators. To think that Earth is just one planet in a small solar system in a small galaxy, in a gigantic universe that we can’t even begin to truly comprehend…

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I was having one of those background dreams, the kind that aren’t at all vivid, probably go on for most of the night and are never remembered when you wake up in the morning. During this dream I heard something getting louder. It got loud enough that I opened my eyes.

So now I’m staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell is making that pulsing mechanical sound just above the house. (continue reading…)

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