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Multiple Choice: Please choose which of the following candidates from the 2012 presidential election is most qualified to be the next president.

a) Rick Santorum

“I’m crazy, and I’m right…”

b) Newt Gingrich

“I want to crump, but don’t want to push it”

c) Rick Perry

“Save a pretzel for the gas jets”

d) Hermain Cain

“Everybody needs toucan stubs”

e) Mit Romney

“Stuff the ice chest”

f) Michele Bachmann

“With one cock-eyed boar, I’m going to cure everybody who is nauseous”

g) Barack Obama

“Let’s creep in the frozen aisle and think one thought”

h) Ron Paul

“We can achieve much more in peace than we can ever achieve in these needless, unconstitutional, undeclared wars.”

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I can’t quite pinpoint it, but for some reason I’ve been having the urge to watch Team America again. Btw, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, it is time for a sequel.

Team America 2

Still “F”ing Awesome!

There is no shortage of new material to work with. The only shortage would be seats at the movie theaters on opening night.

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“You shall now refer to me as _________” (fill in the blank).

The whole idea of undergoing a name change operation late in life seems ridiculous to me. I’d even call it a pet peeve. I can understand someone in their teens or younger, who really doesn’t identify with the name they were given, deciding to change it to something else. One of the guys I went to school with changed his name at least two times and back again and then to something new, I lost count. We haven’t been in contact for many years; he probably has changed his name again by now.

Once a person is past the teens and more settled into their life, a name change becomes silly and complicated. There are all the logistical headaches i.e. notifying acquaintances of the change, changing email addresses, updating bank accounts, passport, driver’s license and the rest of the legal rigamarole. My mom decided to change her name. That’s fine. It’s her decision, whether I think it is a good idea or not. Besides, I usually call her “mom” anyways.

In the grand scheme of things, in the vast universe, I could care less what sounds and letters other people use to refer to the minuscule lump of atoms / configuration of impermanent thoughts and energies that coalesce to form “me”. In essence I am much more than that and at the same time none of it.

The ever present now is constantly changing. The atoms in the body, the perspective of consciousness, the surroundings – are all changing faster than a millisecond and everything is completely new, even though it may seem to be the same and static. Technically, I am a new person every moment. Why not have a new name for each new moment?

So yeah, I started to think about it more. I started to look at it from a different perspective and shed off my pet peeve. Perhaps there is something to this name change business after all. (continue reading…)

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Do you know what sucks? If you don’t, I’ll tell you. (continue reading…)

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In no particular order, you are a workaholic if:

1. You look at the clock, it is noon, you haven’t eaten breakfast yet.
2. You look at the clock, it is 4:30 PM, you haven’t eaten lunch yet.
3. All of the above (most certainly a workaholic) (continue reading…)

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“It’s like the best thing ever. It is even better than Abdomenable Snowmans.”

This is what popped into my head last night while lying under the sheets, feeling proud of myself for getting to bed on time. It made me laugh… multiple times.

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I bought some bedtime tea. On the box it says, “Caffeine Free”.

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I don’t know about you, but for me the use of “we” as a literary device is obnoxious. Does the author really know that what they are writing about pertains to whoever is reading? Even if I can relate to something I am reading, I feel turned off by being generically included, as if the use of “we” would make me feel more engaged with the material.

I’ve used the first-person plural “we” before in some writings just because it is a standard literary tool, but decided a while back to never use it again.

And you too!

The second-person singular “you” is just as obnoxious, if not slightly more so. When an author uses “you” it is as if they are so arrogant that they don’t even feel what they are writing about pertains to them. “I as the author am directly addressing you, and you shall feel empathy with what I am writing.” However, the epitome of literary arrogance occurs when an author uses “we” (although they really mean “you”) just to come off as being more humble and less scathing.

We don’t like second-person singulars nor first-person plurals, and don’t you know it!

It may seem pompous or ego-centric to always use the first-person singular, “I”. But really, what other choice do I have? I can only speak for myself and what I have experienced to be true. Anything else would be insulting to the readers’ grammatical person.

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